Preggo..."How are you feeling?"

Thank you to everyone for all of the kind words about our impending arrival in February!  Both Leif and I are very excited about welcoming another blessing into our lives!  This is something that we knew we wanted and to be honest were just trying to get the timing right.  Unfortunately for us, the timing didn't quite work out in accordance with the needs of the Navy but that will be another post!
So many people have asked how I am feeling?  I am pretty sure that is because most people know how sick I was with Aiden.  With Aiden I began vomiting before I even knew I was pregnant...and never stopped!  I would "get sick" upwards of 25 times a day and struggled to even lift my head from the pillow with out being sick.  After thinking it was normal I finally called the doctor and told her what was going on...over 15lbs lost and still in my first trimester I was put on bed rest and told I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum which is "a debilitating and potentially life-threatening pregnancy disease marked by rapid weight loss, malnutrition, and dehydration due to unrelenting nausea and/or vomiting with potential adverse consequences for the newborn(s)." (via http://www.helpher.org/ )  To make a really long story and little less long, I lost over 20lbs and never got better until my sweet Aiden was born!
SO....here we are again!!!  So many people have said to me "I can't believe you are doing this again"...Me Neither hahah!  Leif and I had so many discussions about "what to do".  We always wanted 2 children but after Aiden I swore up and down that I would never do it again.  But if I heard it once, I heard it a million times..."every pregnancy is different"!  So we waited until we felt like Aiden was in a less needy position and thought maybe we were just slightly settled and we tried again.  We also talked a lot about finances and knowing that there was a strong possibility we would need a nanny, we tried to brace ourselves financially as well!  We knew very early on that we were pregnant...no surprises here...and immediately set up a doctors appointment to start the medication.  I did well for about the first 6 weeks and then day by day I got worse and worse!  So here we are...almost 18 weeks pregnant, down 14 lbs (not too bad),  PICC line was put in at 14 weeks and hooked up to IV fluids/nutrients 12-24 hours a day, I use and elastomeric infusion pump for my anti-nausea 3 times a day, and I am still sick!!!  Luckily I am not on bed rest yet and I have actually gotten used to vomiting in public places (GROSS, I know, but life has to go on).  Trust me...this isn't a blog looking for pity or sympathy!  Both Leif and I know where babies come from :-), we knew the possibility and together we made the decision to go for it!  We wanted to expand our family and knew that, as with all pregnancies, anything can happen!  It might sound silly but we put ourselves in this position and are dealing with it.  Well, I am dealing with it hahah...he works 16 hours a day and is in and out with the ship...why is it easier for the guys haha!  So...is there a point to all of this....2 points.  1.  A ton of people asked how I was feeling so this was the easiest way to explain things.  AND 2.  This will all be worth it!  If I have said it once, I have said it a million times.  Aiden is my everything!  I love him more than life itself and I know that 40 weeks of hell will be worth the feeling and depth of love that we wills get to experience again! 
So...now that you are bored out of your minds here are a few visuals (hopefully nothing too graphic)

My nightly routine

PICC line!

17 weeks :-)

We find out the sex of our baby tomorrow!  My actual comprehensive ultrasound isn't until Wednesday but since they close at 6 and there was absolutely no way Leif could get off on the day I scheduled, even though I picked on of his suggested days, we have scheduled a gender ultrasound at 7:30 pm tomorrow evening!  My sister and Mom will accompany me to my "big" ultrasound and since they want to be surprised we won't be sharing the info until Wednesday!  We are excited and anxious all at the same time!  I am just praying for a healthy baby!!!!

scheduled...

This will be short, sweet, and to the point!  I have scheduled my surgery to have the tumor in my head removed for April 26th at 8:30 a.m.  We are waiting until the end of the month because Leif's schedule will be a little less dense and therefore allow for him to actually be there for my surgery!  I have already done my pre-op and we are ready to go!  During my pre-op appointment the OR nurses were so encouraging and comforting!  They will be the ones with me before, during, and after my surgery!  They promised that they wouldn't let the doctor shave too much of my hair :-)!  They also reassured me several times that this is exactly what they would do if they were in my shoes!  My recovery time will be 1 week so please pray that I can relinquish control for that time...my mom will be here to take care of Aiden and I just hope that I can let go enough to allow her to help me!
We have tried our very best to personally share the news with the majority of our family and friends but at the end of the day I am sure I missed a few...sorry if you didn't get the phone call!  I am sure Leif will keep everyone updated on surgery day and with a week of recovery I will be posting so much that everyone will be sick of me!  Thank you again for all of the emails, calls, texts and messages!  I appreciate everyone's love, prayers, and support!

Happy Easter!!!

Answers...

So we finally have some answers...on Thursday I had an appointment with the surgeon to discuss all of my options.  I have to say that I am so relieved after meeting and talking to this doctor!  He was personable, honest, thorough and extremely straightforward!  He spent a lot of time feeling the tumor, trying to move it, squeezing it, and asking questions about my pain.  He followed the physical exam by drawing a great visual of my head explaining where the tumor is, what it is doing and how he thinks he can help me.  He then gave a very in depth description of the surgery and what I should expect after the fact.  Were it not for the pain, I could just leave the tumor right where it is.  It appears to be benign and fatty which is usually harmless unless...don't you love words like "appears" and "usually"...  So here are my options...option #1 is to remove the tumor!  Option #2 is to do nothing and hope the pain goes away.  Obviously the doctor can't make the decision for me...I tried!  But he made a great point...the surgery is relatively simple, the recovery is about a week, my hair will cover the scar, and this could eliminate my pain...although nothing is ever 100%!  He said he wouldn't tell me what to do but that he would gently steer me in one direction.  With that he walked me to pre-op hahaha!!!
I have not scheduled the surgery...I wanted to think about it!  Several people have asked me what there was to think about?  Let me list a few 1. I don't want to be put to sleep.  2. I do not want my head to be cut in to.  3.  I don't want to have to rely on other people for a full week.  4. I don't want to inconvenience anyone or feel like a drama queen.  5. Finally, I do not want them to shave part of my hair.  THIS is the biggest...vain but true...I do not want to have a bald spot.  The tumor is on the top of my head which will make covering it a challenge...I guess I need to expand my hat collection!  Once the surgery is scheduled, I will be sure to let everyone know!
Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive!  The little gestures have meant so much to me...without my closest friends and family here; the texts, emails, and messages have been the hand holds and hugs that I didn't physically have...THANK YOU!!!

***Sorry, no fun pictures this time***

Health Update...

This will be short and sweet...
I have received several emails asking for updates on my tumor!  I am sorry that I haven't been updating regularly but I just figured I would post when there was something to say!  We have seen several doctors and have decided to put all of our final answers in the hands of my surgeon.  I have an appointment with him on Thursday!  So far, 2 out of the 3 doctors we have seen agree on how to proceed...1 doctor is against surgery and 2 feel that it is the best choice.  My hope is that the surgeon will thoroughly weigh out my risks, because we know that all surgeries come with risks.  On Thursday, my hope is to have answers!  For now, I believe that my #1 concern is the tumor and not the cyst in my brain...the tumor is large and in a place where there isn't much room for growth., 2 of the 3 Dr's believe that it is pressing on my nerves thus causing pain, and has the likelihood of becoming more.  We have debated seeking more professional opinions but feel that, at this point, we will just see the surgeon and formulate an opinion from there!  If removing the tumor is a safe and relatively risk free option...then that is our answer!!!!
I (and we) want to THANK those of you who have prayed for me, sent messages and constantly called for updates or sent words of encouragement..  Over the past 2 week I have been feeling so much better and am hopeful everything will be solved within the next few weeks!  Thursday is an important day and we appreciate your prayers...
Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all of you that have showed so much care and concern!!!  It means SO, SO, SO much to me!!!

Enough about me...Friday date nights are my favorite!!!!  How handsome is my date???

Celebrating...

Tonight we are in Boston, MA and we are celebrating.  The Gunderson's have SO much to celebrate tonight!  Our prayers have been answered and we can all breathe a little easier tonight!  Leif and I are not the type of people to put our every waking moment, hardship, drama or worry out into the world.  We aren't perfect but at the end of the day we are beyond blessed and we know it.  We have had something weighing on our minds and in our hearts and thankfully, tonight, we are resting a little easier!  I wrote a blog ( that I never published) about the journey we were on and I will publish it tonight.
Very few people knew what was going on, and I apologize to all of my wonderful friends, but we made a decision early on to keep all of the details private until we had answers.  So private that my own mother, who I tell everything to, was just recently informed.  To read about how it all went down you can go here!
So....Tonight we are celebrating extremely positive test results.  No CANCER...our #1 fear and thankfully we are in the clear.  The tumor (in my head) is benign...the results were not perfect but they were positive.  We still have a journey ahead of us and there are still unanswered questions but the news is GREAT!  They incidentally found a cyst in my brain (which is benign also), I will see a neurologist, a surgeon and I will have the tumor removed and maybe even the cyst...but we are so, so, so happy with the news!  I left the doctor and felt like I was lighter...I felt like I was "me" again.  I was so happy, excited, and relieved that I cried.
We had decided to go to Boston for the long weekend...Good or Bad...we were going to enjoy our long weekend exploring "the North"...when we got into the hotel room tonight my husband looked at me and said "We are going to celebrate all weekend long" and celebrate we will!  Tomorrow we will visit the aquarium and maybe the Children's museum...we will see how much Aiden can handle...my little guy "celebrated" until 10:45pm tonight...and for once, adhering to Aiden's bedtime meant absolutely nothing to me...

Everything is an experience...good or bad

I am writing this blog with the thought that it may never see the "publish" button or maybe it will!  I am torn on this issue but feel the need to empty out my brain before it explodes...and here is why!

I have a tumor!

On my head (not in my brain)!

I am confident that it is nothing, terrified it's something, and embarrassed to admit I feel like this is all my fault!
Leif and I have wrestled with who to tell, if we should even tell anyone, what to say, how to say it...what will we do if it is...but it isn't...positive thoughts!!!  This is just a taste of my internal conversation and sometimes external conversation with Leif.  Up until I heard the word "Tumor", we kept everything to ourselves.  I was afraid to be a drama queen, a hypochondriac, afraid to make a big deal of nothing, I didn't want to burden anyone or make anyone worry for no reason.  I thought I could handle it...I thought WE could handle it but I spend most of my day in the company of a 2 year old who had no idea what's going on in my mind and I don't really get a lot of opportunity to pour my heart out to Leif and I am not sure I would if given the opportunity, as he is in the midst of a rigorous schedule and, again, I hate to burden him.  He is the person that I go to for everything but right now is just such a bad time.  He really needs to focus on work and I really need to just vent(something I rarely do on my blog)!
After my doctors appointment, the one where she says "It's a tumor and we need to get a better look at it to determine what kind" my phone rang!  It was my mom...10 minutes ago I was told I have a tumor in my head and now I am trying to pretend like nothing is up!  FAIL!!!  I usually tell my mom everything...but I didn't think she could handle this type of worry...I realized very quickly that I couldn't handle it alone!  So the journey to the words TUMOR are summed up below.

For the past 4 months I have had a constant headache.  Some days are better than others but regardless of the intensity, the headache is always there.  While laying in bed on Christmas Eve I randomly ran my fingers through my hair and noticed something odd.  There was a very definitive lump on the top of my head.  I woke my husband and had him feel for it, he looks at me and says "what is that?"  GREAT question...WHAT is that???

I'll be very honest...I was worried but I put it off...in my mind I was half nervous and half sure that it would go away.  I avoided the doctor because I don't want to be THAT patient.  You know the one who has a slight cough and all of the sudden they are dying of something.  Aside from the headaches I feel fine and I am sure that the headaches are just related to all of the changes we have been going through and the lump is probably a swollen lymph node which is my body's way of telling me that I am about to get a cold or something.  Diagnosis complete.

Unfortunately I was living in a dream world.  The lump never went away and neither did the headaches.  I guess I have put it off long enough.  Part of me felt anxious about making the appointment and part of me felt really stupid.  Anxious because I felt like "IF" it is serious I am just about to open a whole can of worms, not just for myself but for my family as well.  Stupid because the thought of saying "Hi I need to see a doctor because I have a lump on my head" just seemed a bit humorous.  I was just sure that the lady on the other end would bust out laughing, put me on hold, and tell everyone with in an ear shot that she had a hypochondriac on line 1.  Her reaction was quite the opposite, rarely do you get seen same or next day at a military clinic but in this case I was able to be seen the next day!

Once the doctor came in, she asked a bunch of questions and then examined my head.  "hhmmmmm Wow, how did you find that?  That is a tumor, we need to get a better look at it"  of course she went on to explain that there many different types of tumors and some are absolutely NOTHING and others are something!  From that point until now has been a complete roller coaster ride!  After some frustrating moments with the Military Clinic (frustration and military clinic are often synonymous) I was able to get in for an MRI.  Now, I wait!
I am relieved that a small part of this is over...the images are in the hands of the doctor and my hope is that I am one step closer to complete relief! I am thinking, praying and hoping that it is nothing...but I am on edge, not sleeping, preoccupied!  I try to keep thinking positive thoughts...but every now and again my mind strays..not in a "poor me" kind of way but more of a simple "what if".  I think it's normal, well as normal as a tumor in the head can be!  So for now I wait...and pray...and worry..and have faith that everything will be just fine!  Everything WILL be just fine!  Regardless...