Monday, August 31, 2015

Don't grow up...

I'm sitting here in bed with my just shy of 6 year old restlessly "laying" next to me.  Per usual on the last 3  (now 4) birthday nights, Daddy is gone.  Every year it seems like he is missing the "Big One" and this one is no different.  Mommy's got this, I always do, but it's never easy!  Our baby will be 6 in a mere 5ish hours.  All parents know the feeling and that feeling continues year after year!  My boy, my baby, the one who first called me mommy, the one who mended our hearts when we weren't so lucky the first time around, the one who led the way as I developed as a mom, the one that reminds us so often just how precious life is, how pure love is, and how so amazing parenting is.   For those that know Aiden, I mean really know him, you will know exactly what I mean when I say that there is just something about him!  No, he's not better than any other child, smarter, faster, the greatest etc…but there is just something about him that is so unique and  heartwarming.  Maybe it's his giving heart, his selfless ways, his compassion or his desire to please.  Whatever IT is, I am so proud of IT!!!
I often find myself looking at Aiden on the verge of tears.  The look in his eyes, the wonder in his statements, the way he approaches life or how he handles disappointment…he fills my heart with pride and joy.  I am just so grateful that he is mine!
In Aiden's eyes everything starts at 6.  Strength, knowledge, confidence and opportunity.  I am pretty sure he felt the same way about being 5 but why not take capitalize on a birthday to reignite your fire ;-)

My Sweet Sweet Aiden,
One day you will read this and not understand in the slightest what I am saying, but one day you will read this and understand what real love feels like.  The kind of love that makes you feel fearless, powerful and completely vulnerable all at the same time.  A love you can't control, one that's  for another human being, yet you pour your entire effort into molding them to being an individual who can make wise decisions and stand up on their own one day. When you love someone more than you love your own ability to breathe yet every breathe feels like it is for the sole purpose of nurturing another life, you are experiencing the joy and tug at your heart and the complete and utter loss of emotional control that parenting bestows upon you!
From the moment I heard your strong heartbeat and every single moment after I have felt the need to protect you.  It's so ironic because over the past few years you have demonstrated this need and desire to protect me, too!  You are so perceptive that it kind of scares me.  Wise beyond your years yet youthfully carefree.  You have a way with words and your timing of said words is perfection.  Before you became a brother, I couldn't even grasp how you could ever share the spotlight and yet you take the backseat to your little brothers antics with so much grace and understanding.  You were born to be a big brother and Easton idolizes you!   You are his first thought in the morning and he can't stand to face bedtime without you!  He drives you crazy because he knows that you would never ever retaliate.  He feels safe with you and wants nothing more than to follow you along.  He misses you when you sleep late, go to school or go to your friends house…"Where's Aiyen?"  he asks…his first word ever??  AI----YEN…You have set the bar very high for him and he has risen to every single challenge you put before him…WHY?  Because you inspire him, encourage him and protect him!  You amaze me with your patience…he's 2, he's ornery, he's destructive, he's provoking…you are calm, you are understanding, and you are protective of him!  What a blessing for him!!!
Daddy and I…well, we say it all of the time!  We are so blessed with 2 amazingly healthy boys!  We thank GOD for you.  Your spirit, your gracious and giving heart, your intelligence, your maturity and your ability to get along with anyone!  You are uncharacteristically accepting at such a young age.  You GIVE in a way that few people….people…not adults, not children but few people even know how to!  You make me proud on a daily basis and you remind me every single day just how amazing life is!  You have let me grow as a parent, often a solo one, and have forgiven my mistakes.  The impatient moments, the exhaustion disguised as frustration and you have let me apologize for making mistakes as I am only human!  Your manners are impeccable and you too have grasped the art of an apology!  I see so much of myself in you with the main difference being that you are so much better than I could have ever been.  Anxious yet settled.  Shy yet comfortable!  Humbled but still confident!   I am not ashamed to say that I learn from you often!!!  I know daddy would agree and would add that you have been so adaptive to change.  So understanding of his schedule and his absence.   Accepting of this life that you didn't chose, one that was chosen for you! I could go on and on but really….HOW ARE YOU 6??????  I keep reminding myself that this isn't college…you are 6!!!!  Thank GOD for the future and the ability to watch you continue to grow!!!  You are remarkable, loved, admired, respected and so brilliantly YOU!!!!  I love you with every single breath that I have and with every last inch of my being!!!  Happy 6th Birthday My Sweet Boy!  I hope 6 is just the beginning of what you think it is going to be for you!!!!  

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go…” 

“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.”