Sunday, September 13, 2015

Kindergarten eve...

I had every intention of writing a "twas the night before kindergarten" post... But as the day lingered on, I knew that my emotions and anxiety just couldn't go there.  The tears at back to school night were a warning, this isn't for the weak!  I will settle for a letter...
Dear Teacher,
As you prepare for your "first day of school" and know that your students are doing the same; there are a few things I want to say.  I know you will never see this but I just need to get it off my heart and into the universe!  This is my baby...I prayed for him, begged for him and have nurtured him day in and day out.  I am THAT mom but I swear I am not really THAT mom.  I have made the choice as to when and where he was away from me but now the only choice is where... Kindergarten is a must and the time has come.  Every child goes to kindergarten and I would never deny my child that.  However, I place him in your care with expectations that are greater than I can explain.  He is watching you, eager to learn, ready to be molded and filled with opportunity.  To him, this is the big league and to me this is where time really soars. I know without a doubt that he is ready and I know that you are too.  He is here because I trust you and I am relying on you to make my baby see all of the glory, wonder, and potential that I, his mommy, see in him daily.  But the truth is that your opinion will probably matter more...he barely knows you yet he already admires you.  He looks at you in awe.  You know it all in his eyes and I will just be validating your knowledge on a daily basis.  Read that again...I will be validating your knowledge on a daily basis.  I am on your side, you see.  I want him to love you and to love school.  I want him to crave knowledge and seek information.  I want your influence to register and spark his enthusiasm for life and for all that is available to him.  I am your biggest fan but it is my God given responsibility to be his advocate.  Please know that when I ask you a thousand questions, know that when I shed tears as I leave him with you tomorrow, know that after the 5th email, the 10th email and even after I've questioned your opinions and your philosophy.  It's me, not you, I swear!  But I am new at this, on one hand I am naive to the lack of control and on the other I am ripe and ready for direction and momentum.  
In my eyes, my heart, and my memory, he is still just crawling around...everything I never knew but prayed that I wanted and needed right there in a worn sleeper from miles logged crawling laps around our kitchen... But in reality he is running drills at football, perfecting his putt on the golf course, showering alone and off to kindergarten.  I'm not ready...can you tell?  Please acknowledge his character, his compassion and HIM...unique, passionate, sensitive and eager HIM!!  He doesn't need more or less of you...he just needs you!  He's not special or entitled.  He's a kid...never "just a kid" because our kids are our future and this is where it starts.  But he is my kid, my world, and my heart, sitting in your classroom looking at you the way I wish he looked at me.  I know you'll rise to the occasssion...and so will he!  Thank you for your selfless desire to be there for him ever day.  I promise, I notice...I notice that your job is not easy or glamorous.  You are underpaid, overworked and underappreciated.  I know, I notice, and I am so incredibly grateful.  Please know that I appreciate you and most importantly my son thinks you are the most important person in his life.  He can't pay you, he can't advocate for you and he can't grant you notoriety.  But I guarantee he will never forget you...and neither will I!  What he remembers is in your hands...and I trust you!!!
That little blonde boys mommy

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