Friday, January 4, 2013

So long 2012

Just when the expression "twenty twelve" starting to have a ring to it, I find myself wondering how the heck you make 2013 sound cool?
Dear 2012,
It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to you.  What I have kept from you this whole time is that I dreaded you like the plague, but as I sit here and reminisce about the memories you brought the only thing I can think of is "Damn that was awesome".  As I approached you, I knew things were going to be tough.  We started 2012 in Newport RI and were somewhat uncertain as to what you had in store for us.  I feared the thought of living in a strange place with very few familiar faces, no family even remotely close by, what I thought (until now) was a tough work schedule for the hubby, and only 6 months of settlement before we were headed to the next place, where ever that may be!  Aiden was in his 2's and I let other people's experiences make me fearful of whatever they say happens when a child turns 2.  THEY were wrong!!!  2 was fantastic to us!  After many bumps in the real estate road, we sold our first home and found our dream home.  Somehow, the good Lord allowed everything to fall into place and we are now right where we belong!  Speaking of the good Lord, boy did we find ourselves pleading with Him a lot in "twenty twelve".  Not in the way you might imagine.  I really tried to reevaluate the way I "went to Him".  I didn't just want what I wanted, if that makes any sense. More so, I wanted to learn to place my trust in Him for what was right and true. (no, I am not going to get all philosophical or preachy) Leif and I spent a lot of time asking for guidance this past year.  Early in the year, after finding a tumor in my head, my sweet husband reminded me to pray.  "That's all we can do", he would say...I am a control freak...there has to be something else that we can do!  But I listened and found myself asking for "whatever was right".  After my surgery in April, everything is just right!  We also asked for guidance in big decisions about our home in Charleston and our desire to sell it.  "It will all work out if it is supposed to" and it did!  Leif and I had discussed our desire to expand our family but, to be honest, no time was what we thought was "the right time".  With deployment approaching and an insane work schedule, not to mention that little thing called fertility, we just knew that if it was the right time, it would happen, otherwise we would wait!  Don't get me wrong, we certainly tried to make it happen and were discouraged by the disappointments but our minds and hearts were ready for "no answer".  Well, as I sit here 8 months pregnant, I am pretty sure I got my answer.  I have so many amazing memories from the past year yet there is one moment that stands out.  It's not the event or the action that precedes the memory that , but the feeling associated with it that has been so abundant this year, that makes this moment so fresh in my mind.  Sitting in a cute little bar having a drink on a surprise birthday trip to NYC prior to seeing a Broadway play, I started to cry!  Leif looks at me and says "What's wrong?"  My response "I'm just so happy" was my reply.  If I am being honest, this year should have really kicked my butt mentally.  A lot happened...but those tears of happiness have not stopped.  For the first time in a really long time, even though things aren't perfect, I am just so happy!!!  Thank you for that, 2012!
2013, you don't stand a chance!  You, my new friend, are going to be a challenge!  Aside from the birth of our newest boy, Leif's deployment pretty much ruins your chances of being the best year!  Sorry friend!  We will still make the most of you!  2014, with Leif's homecoming, you get early bonus points!!!
To anyone who made it through this entire post, HAPPY NEW YEAR and thanks for reading!  I haven't quite finished with 2012 as I need to update on the holidays but this was on my mind so it won some of my spare time!

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