***This is long, wordy, and a little personal...but it's the truth...the only way I know to tell it!***
So deployment is over, daddy is home and life is back to normal...right??? Well, one of the things that people don't tell you is that with all of the excitement of having your spouse home there is also a period of readjustment... For Leif...and for me...and it's hard! What??? He doesn't come home from a 9 month deployment with rainbow farts, the romanticism of a trashy novel and we all don't just instantly click and live happily ever after in a farytale??? Bummer!
Once Leif got home we spent several weeks traveling, reacquainting, having fun and following no schedule. But that's not life, not reality, and not the norm. There came a time when we had to get back to reality, put our kids to bed at a decent hour, follow some sort of discipline structure, get back to work, and resume our life. However, life was different. Daddy had been gone for 9 months and mommy had been in charge. The boys and I had a routine, a system and an understanding of sorts about what was expected, allowed, and possible with only 1 parent. Aiden had responsibities, he had learned to be patient with me and was such a huge helper. In a way, Easton also knew I needed his patience, and seemed to be patient with me and my limits as well. Bedtime was fluid, consistent, and manageable. I had developed a system for everything that needed to get done and I knew I was the only one that was going to do it. The boys, the house, the dog, the bills, the cars, the friend and family relationships and everything in between was up to me. The truth is that I felt powerful, fulfilled, essential and completely in control. I felt valuable...and then I didn't!!! You read that right, with Leif home, I suddenly felt useless. I stopped making decisions, stopped working out, stopped eating healthy, stopped being in control and stopped feeling valuable. I didn't value my role in the family and I felt that now with Leif back, others didn't see my value anymore. My "job" at home was no longer respected and I was left feeling lost. Things at home changed big time...there was more laundry, more to clean up, more people wanting my attention and even less time alone. Aiden still struggled with separation anxiety, Leif felt guilty disciplining the boys, and adding another person to our routine proved to take a lot of time to get right.
Don't get me wrong, I love having my husband home so you can imagine my guilt when I felt like him being home had caused my useless feeling. I knew that I had to reclaim me. I did a lot of thinking and soul searching. I got myself back on a schedule for me. I was putting everyone ahead of me and it was taking its toll. About a month ago I was approached about an opportunity that I thought could be a chance for me to really have something of my own...after a lot of thinking and prayer I went for it. I started my own business through Rodan and Fields and haven't looked back since. Trust me, most people weren't supportive. People will always have something negative to say and I heard it all...the people I thought would be my biggest supporters weren't...including Leif! But here I am less than 30 days in and now Leif is fully on board. He can't believe how much success I have already had! To be honest, I have loved every second of it. I was nervous about putting myself out there! I didn't know if I would have the time or the interest but I have realized that this is something for me. I am building something for me and for my family! It makes me feel good, makes me feel valuable, and shoot, it is making me look good too Win-win! I have been loving the products but most importantly, my friends and family are loving them too! Phew! I feel like in some ways that I am back!!! I am in control and I am making ME one of my priorities!
I am a firm believer that happiness is a choice...I lost that for a moment!!! Our transition wasn't as smooth as I thought it would be but at the end of the day we came out on top and dare I say...better than ever!!!