As we anticipate our newest chapter, I have spent a lot of time thinking about my boys.  Their excitement, their impact, how they will adjust and what they will think about our decision to grow this family.  All of the emotions flood as life changes for all of us but especially for them!

To my boys,
I hope you know that you are enough!  Always were and always will be.  You were so enough that you opened my heart for more!  People often say to me "you got your girl"...that's not fair!!!  I didn't need a girl!  We didn't try for or expect a girl.  We got whatever it was that our hearts were open for and I promise to never take it for granted.  But you...I was fulfilled with you!  I was so whole with all that you gave me that I knew we were done!  Everything I probably never knew I wanted or needed was wrapped up in you!  The way you taught me about life, about patience, forgiveness, redemption, curiosity and most importantly all of the things you have taught me about love!  I swore after each of you that I had it all.  That I would never put myself through another pregnancy but both of you have enriched my life and my heart so much that I allowed it to open one more time.  I used to say “if God put a baby on my doorstep, I would gladly accept another”.  Instead, God took me through the lowest of lows and here is what that taught me about being a mom.  This isn’t about me.  This is all about you.  I was so lonely, so broken, and so isolated.  But I had you and you had me.  I spent a lot of time thinking about my life and my legacy and most importantly, I spent a lot of time thinking about you two.  About how you will always have each other and something inside me realized that maybe I was doing you a disservice by closing the door on more.  Maybe, just maybe, another precious life would be exactly what YOU needed one day.  That maybe, my loneliness was a wake up call to my own selfishness.

You deserve it all...and I begged the Lord to show me how to give it to you and how to spare you the emptiness that I felt.  The need to turn to someone but to have no one there that actually got it!  The need to feel connected without the lines being frayed.  I don’t want you to have to search for family..to yearn for a bond.  I never want you to feel at odds with your memories or to question your place.  I want you to remind each other and I hope that our newest addition is proof that you both were so great, that I just had to give you more.  More laughs, more memories, more snuggles, more stories, more support and more roots!

More of all of the things that matter and more of all of the things that made me whole, gave me purpose, and inspired me to truly live!  There is not a decision on this earth that doesn’t make me think of you first!  This new chapter was carefully thought out with you in mind, with you at the core and with you as the main focus!  This little lady is lucky to have you...I promise that without your greatness, your fulfilling ways and your ability to make me whole...there would be no her!  She is anxiously anticipated and fiercely loved because of you!  Because you showed me the power of precious miracles.  Because you were enough to let my heart open and receive another gift.  Because you were enough to allow me to feel fulfilled and more than enough to allow me to question my heart and want for more.  For me, for daddy, for this world but most importantly for you!!!