Tugging on the heartstrings...

As we approach deployment in just a matter days I find myself struggling with so many different emotions.  I find myself trying to prepare and analyze every little thing when the reality is, I might as well just throw a deck of cards into the air and see what lands where! Regardless of how much I prepare for this, one thing is for sure...my heart is not ready...and never will be!

Tonight at bedtime Aiden wanted me to put him down.  I explained to him that Daddy wanted to do it because he wasn't going to see him for a long time.  After trying to explain to him the concept of a year and months and distance and why we wouldn't be able to see daddy and why he can't just come home, Aiden said this..."mommy, when daddy is gone I don't think that I can talk about him". My response: "why". His:  "well because I know I will miss him too much so maybe I can just dream about him"...BROKE. MY. HEART!!!

We will dream about him, talk about him, think about him, and plan for his return!!! With each card I am dealt, I will figure it out!  But for tonight...he changed his mind and Daddy to put him to bed!