A night to remember...

Last weekend was, in the words of my husband, EPIC!!!  After being the hostess with the "mostest" for sometime, I was done!  I got burnt out on always having a house full of people and kids with little to no reciprocation.  As much as I love it, I needed a change of pace.  In our not so little social circle I had noticed people talking about how busy they were, how they just couldn't keep up with all of the birthdays, how it was getting expensive, how maybe we should just celebrate multiple birthdays at once, etc etc.  So combined with my desire to pass off the "hostess" torch, create less stress and expense for those around me, and my crazy idea to get all fancy for my birthday, we decided to keep the craziness small and increase the intimacy and, for lack of a better description, fancy it up because seriously, how often do you get the chance to get all dressed up and hang out!!!

Along with intimate and fancy, my birthday wish was to ask that my guests arrive empty handed and be wined and dined (just not by me hehe). My hubby and my brother (from another mother) aka Uncle Josh, planned an amazing, intimate, and so incredibly thoughtful birthday dinner.  They left no detail behind and made ME the number 1 priority.  Let's be real here, I always come in last place.  I don't mean this in a negative way but it's the truth and it is nobodies fault but my own.  I am always concerned with everyone else's needs and desires but this night was about what made me happy!  They made sure that everything was perfect and that I was as out of the planning process as much as I could possibly be.  They wanted the BEST for me and I was blown away and incredibly humbled!

My most loyal and thoughtful friends humored me by gussying up their guys and as usual they blew me away with their style and beautiful dresses!

The night was perfect.  I let go of all stress for the night.  I was able to be my true self with no judgement or pretense and was actually shocked by all of the kind words that were spoken.  We ate, we drank, I made a few speeches (as usual), we laughed a lot, and hell we even cried some too!  The weather was perfect, the food was delicious, and the people I shared it with completely outdid themselves!  The LOVE that was bestowed upon me was like nothing I have ever experienced!!!  Hence the reason for the tears...

I really don't mind getting older.  Each and every day I learn something new about life that inspires me to be better or even redirects me to what is authentic and meaningful!  I have changed so much in the last 10 years and am really excited and inspired by this journey that I am on in life.  It's a journey that is sometimes so damn hard and frustrating.  I am trying to find balance and peace.  Not really about anything in particular but more so finding an inner peace which is so hard for a sensitive, anal and dare I say neurotic ME!!!  I put myself out there and let my heart be my guide, sometimes to my own detriment…but that is who I am!  I am not perfect, nor is my life, but the beauty of another year is really having the chance (or reason) to reflect on where I am headed and how far I have come.  I have an amazing life.  I am healthy, my kids are healthy, my husband and I have built a strong marriage and a beautiful family!  At night, our last words to one another are usually about how incredibly blessed we are, how we could have never imagined any of this…2 crazy 16 year old kids have actually built a beautiful life over time!  Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of struggles but we wouldn't have arrived at this place with out them.

Last Saturday was a night that I will never forget.  It was a beautiful celebration for which I actually feel quite undeserving!  My closest friends, my husband, and my life long best friend completely and whole heartedly outdid themselves!  They made this little lady feel like something special!  They gave me the perfect birthday and a perfect night that I will never forget!

Earth Day

I used to have a black thumb...it was shriveled, dry and just daring any plant in its sight for a challenge...or a death wish! But thanks to my dad and his belief that horticulture is in my DNA and his willingness to drive a few hours to help me in my yard, I have actually surprised myself with my skills in the dirt.

Aiden has been begging grandpa to come plant a garden since about June of last year when it was really too late to get started on tomatoes.  This year I was on top of the calendar.  Partly because my kids love tomatoes and partly because one of my only and by far my best memories with my dad was sitting in his garden eating cherry tomatoes off the vine.  So...grandpa drove 2 hours, showed great patience with my littles, planted beef tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and even helped me plan out my next project.  Lowes here I come!!!  Lucky for me, it just so happened to fall on earth day so now I look like I really have my stuff together in this whole motherhood thing...SCORE!!!  Happy Earth Day...

A night away...

Life has been really crazy for us lately...between weddings and the events associated, the sudden death of a family member, my moms extended stay in the ICU and work for both the hubby and I...I felt like every weekend was go go go and never really spent together as a family enjoying quality time.  

We decided to make a last minute trip the Great Wolf Lodge.  Of course about an hour after we booked our trip in Thursday, this happened...

 

We spent a long night at the hospital and because Aiden didn't respond to the local area anesthetic and to avoid torturing him anymore, he was put under IV sedation.  6 stitches later we were headed home and in agreement that the show must go on.....so Saturday morning we were off to the Great Wolf!  

I only have a few pictures but we had a wonderful time...we spent most of the time at the water park, then went to the arcade, made our way around the hotel while playing the Magiquest game, had a yummy dinner and then called it a night in  "the Wolf Den"...

On Sunday we woke up, did a little bowling and played a few more games...

It was so nice to not be on a schedule...to just hang...let our kids make the rules...and soak up every giggle!  We definitely need more weekends like this!

Full hands….

I have really been missing blogging lately and I hope you have been missing me too!  I actually get emails asking for another blog which is really flattering and exciting!  This little blog is just what is going on in my mind, my heart, and my life!  I have been so so busy with my new business but really want to make time for EVERYTHING I enjoy in life…is that possible???

The thing I enjoy the most is my family!  My kids and husband top that list!  Growing up I didn't have a strong family unit and it is something that I really want for my kids!  I am not sure where the downward shift in parenting occurred but I have been on the receiving end of some "looks" and "comments" while out with my kids and it leaves me wondering why people are so turned off….here is just one of my stories…

The other day a girlfriend of mine and I were out with our kids.  A total of 4 of them…2 each…certainly not the poster child for procreation but definitely the antithesis of abortions and no children families!  We walked in to Jimmy John's for a quick bite before heading to the park…GASP...taking our children out in public, actually spending time with them and not placing them in front of a TV or game system all day must be against the law based on the looks we were getting!  Not to discriminate but the looks were coming from "older" individuals.  People who surely, if they were willing and able, had children and possibly grandchildren of their own!  As we were standing in line I felt like someones stares were burning a hole in me.  I turned around to see an older gentleman with his eyes locked on me…I ignored it, placed my order and turned around to see him glaring at me.  In true Teresa fashion I shot him the biggest smile I can muster to prove to him that his glares do not bother me….he mumbles under his breath and looks away!!!  I grab drinks and walk by his table and give him another smile as he says "don't you think you have your hands full"…I am not saying this is a negative comment but it certainly didn't seem like an encouraging one….what I wanted to say is "what's your point" but what I said is something that I had carefully crafted when I received this comment often while Leif was deployed.  "I do have my hands full…and they are full in the best way possible"…He didn't say a word and I continued on.  As I picked up my order I turned around and there he was…super close with an indescribable look on his face…."you are right" he said.  "Excuse me?" I said…."you are right, your hands are full in the best way possible"  He then went on to tell me that he was from San Diego, the best city in the world he added, but his grandkids live here…."So guess where I live?" he said!  You guessed it….HERE.  Close to the grandkids!
I think he knew that his looks were judgmental and in fact, so were his comments, but he was sure to tell me this…"I like how you said that.  Your hands are full in the best way possible.  You are right.  I never thought of it that way but I agree".  I certainly stood a little taller when Aiden climbed from one booth to the next on the nasty floor, and Easton took a huge bite of food and then spit it on the table!  These boys keep me busy, the keep me active, they keep my hands full but most importantly they fill my heart and my life with more joy than I could have ever imagined!!!  Everyday isn't easy but everyday is definitely worth it!!!

Reclaiming me...

***This is long, wordy, and a little personal...but it's the truth...the only way I know to tell it!***

So deployment is over, daddy is home and life is back to normal...right???  Well, one of the things that people don't tell you is that with all of the excitement of having your spouse home there is also a period of readjustment... For Leif...and for me...and it's hard!  What???  He doesn't come home from a 9 month deployment with rainbow farts, the romanticism of a trashy novel and we all don't just instantly click and live happily ever after in a farytale???  Bummer!

Once Leif got home we spent several weeks traveling, reacquainting, having fun and following no schedule.  But that's not life, not reality, and not the norm.  There came a time when we had to get back to reality, put our kids to bed at a decent hour, follow some sort of discipline structure, get back to work, and resume our life.  However, life was different.  Daddy had been gone for 9 months and mommy had been in charge.  The boys and I had a routine, a system and an understanding of sorts about what was expected, allowed, and possible with only 1 parent.  Aiden had responsibities, he had learned to be patient with me and was such a huge helper.  In a way, Easton also knew I needed his patience, and seemed to be patient with me and my limits as well.  Bedtime was fluid, consistent, and manageable.  I had developed a system for everything that needed to get done and I knew I was the only one that was going to do it.  The boys, the house, the dog, the bills, the cars, the friend and family relationships and everything in between was up to me.  The truth is that I felt powerful, fulfilled, essential and completely in control.  I felt valuable...and then I didn't!!!  You read that right, with Leif home, I suddenly felt useless.  I stopped making decisions, stopped working out, stopped eating healthy, stopped being in control and stopped feeling valuable.  I didn't value my role in the family and I felt that now with Leif back, others didn't see my value anymore.  My "job" at home was no longer respected and I was left feeling lost.  Things at home changed big time...there was more laundry, more to clean up, more people wanting my attention and even less time alone.  Aiden still struggled with separation anxiety, Leif felt guilty disciplining the boys, and adding another person to our routine proved to take a lot of time to get right.  

Don't get me wrong, I love having my husband home so you can imagine my guilt when I felt like him being home had caused my useless feeling.  I knew that I had to reclaim me.  I did a lot of thinking and soul searching.  I got myself back on a schedule for me.  I was putting everyone ahead of me and it was taking its toll.  About a month ago I was approached about an opportunity that I thought could be a chance for me to really have something of my own...after a lot of thinking and prayer I went for it.  I started my own business through Rodan and Fields and haven't looked back since.  Trust me, most people weren't supportive.  People will always have something negative to say and I heard it all...the people I thought would be my biggest supporters weren't...including Leif!  But here I am less than 30 days in and now Leif is fully on board.  He can't believe how much success I have already had!  To be honest, I have loved every second of it.  I was nervous about putting myself out there!  I didn't know if I would have the time or the interest but I have realized that this is something for me.  I am building something for me and for my family!  It makes me feel good, makes me feel valuable, and shoot, it is making me look good too  Win-win!  I have been loving the products but most importantly, my friends and family are loving them too!  Phew!  I feel like in some ways that I am back!!!  I am in control and I am making ME one of my priorities!

I am a firm believer that happiness is a choice...I lost that for a moment!!! Our transition wasn't as smooth as I thought it would be but at the end of the day we came out on top and dare I say...better than ever!!! 

Workin out...

I am one of those odd people that truly enjoys working out.  There are certainly days that I don't feel like working out but I can honestly say that I have never regretted my workout once it was complete.  I have enjoyed "fitness" since I was little.  I seriously wore sweatbands all of the time.  Do you need proof??

So....with that being said...here's my point!  Growing up, although I was very involved in sports, a healthy lifestyle was not a priority in my family.  My parents weren't active and didn't eat well.  I grew up with a terrible body image and it is something that I don't want my kids to think about.  I want them to find the joy and the fun in being healthy and being active.  Whenever I workout at home I encourage them to participate and Aiden has now joined crossfit kids at the crossfit gym I go to.  It is so awesome to see his excitement and passion for working out...

Even Easton likes to get in on the action...

My hope is that I can pass my love of working out onto my kids and that they will see the value it brings to life and good health.  So far, both boys seem to love it.  They emulate what I do, model my movements, and put a bar or kettle bell in front of them and they know exactly what it's for!  When talking about good food I try to instill in them that healthy food makes you strong...I don't emphasize "too many carbs", getting fat from food, etc...I never say the word diet nor do I say I work out to lose weight!  I want them to know that working out is for so much more than appearance.  I want it to be part of their lifestyle...

I want them to know that Mommy is strong...just like Daddy... and that investing into yourself and your health should always be a priority!