Tonight we are in Boston, MA and we are celebrating. The Gunderson's have SO much to celebrate tonight! Our prayers have been answered and we can all breathe a little easier tonight! Leif and I are not the type of people to put our every waking moment, hardship, drama or worry out into the world. We aren't perfect but at the end of the day we are beyond blessed and we know it. We have had something weighing on our minds and in our hearts and thankfully, tonight, we are resting a little easier! I wrote a blog ( that I never published) about the journey we were on and I will publish it tonight.
Very few people knew what was going on, and I apologize to all of my wonderful friends, but we made a decision early on to keep all of the details private until we had answers. So private that my own mother, who I tell everything to, was just recently informed. To read about how it all went down you can go here!
So....Tonight we are celebrating extremely positive test results. No CANCER...our #1 fear and thankfully we are in the clear. The tumor (in my head) is benign...the results were not perfect but they were positive. We still have a journey ahead of us and there are still unanswered questions but the news is GREAT! They incidentally found a cyst in my brain (which is benign also), I will see a neurologist, a surgeon and I will have the tumor removed and maybe even the cyst...but we are so, so, so happy with the news! I left the doctor and felt like I was lighter...I felt like I was "me" again. I was so happy, excited, and relieved that I cried.
We had decided to go to Boston for the long weekend...Good or Bad...we were going to enjoy our long weekend exploring "the North"...when we got into the hotel room tonight my husband looked at me and said "We are going to celebrate all weekend long" and celebrate we will! Tomorrow we will visit the aquarium and maybe the Children's museum...we will see how much Aiden can handle...my little guy "celebrated" until 10:45pm tonight...and for once, adhering to Aiden's bedtime meant absolutely nothing to me...
Friday, January 13, 2012
Everything is an experience...good or bad
I am writing this blog with the thought that it may never see the "publish" button or maybe it will! I am torn on this issue but feel the need to empty out my brain before it explodes...and here is why!
I have a tumor!
On my head (not in my brain)!
I am confident that it is nothing, terrified it's something, and embarrassed to admit I feel like this is all my fault!
Leif and I have wrestled with who to tell, if we should even tell anyone, what to say, how to say it...what will we do if it is...but it isn't...positive thoughts!!! This is just a taste of my internal conversation and sometimes external conversation with Leif. Up until I heard the word "Tumor", we kept everything to ourselves. I was afraid to be a drama queen, a hypochondriac, afraid to make a big deal of nothing, I didn't want to burden anyone or make anyone worry for no reason. I thought I could handle it...I thought WE could handle it but I spend most of my day in the company of a 2 year old who had no idea what's going on in my mind and I don't really get a lot of opportunity to pour my heart out to Leif and I am not sure I would if given the opportunity, as he is in the midst of a rigorous schedule and, again, I hate to burden him. He is the person that I go to for everything but right now is just such a bad time. He really needs to focus on work and I really need to just vent(something I rarely do on my blog)!
After my doctors appointment, the one where she says "It's a tumor and we need to get a better look at it to determine what kind" my phone rang! It was my mom...10 minutes ago I was told I have a tumor in my head and now I am trying to pretend like nothing is up! FAIL!!! I usually tell my mom everything...but I didn't think she could handle this type of worry...I realized very quickly that I couldn't handle it alone! So the journey to the words TUMOR are summed up below.
For the past 4 months I have had a constant headache. Some days are better than others but regardless of the intensity, the headache is always there. While laying in bed on Christmas Eve I randomly ran my fingers through my hair and noticed something odd. There was a very definitive lump on the top of my head. I woke my husband and had him feel for it, he looks at me and says "what is that?" GREAT question...WHAT is that???
I'll be very honest...I was worried but I put it off...in my mind I was half nervous and half sure that it would go away. I avoided the doctor because I don't want to be THAT patient. You know the one who has a slight cough and all of the sudden they are dying of something. Aside from the headaches I feel fine and I am sure that the headaches are just related to all of the changes we have been going through and the lump is probably a swollen lymph node which is my body's way of telling me that I am about to get a cold or something. Diagnosis complete.
Unfortunately I was living in a dream world. The lump never went away and neither did the headaches. I guess I have put it off long enough. Part of me felt anxious about making the appointment and part of me felt really stupid. Anxious because I felt like "IF" it is serious I am just about to open a whole can of worms, not just for myself but for my family as well. Stupid because the thought of saying "Hi I need to see a doctor because I have a lump on my head" just seemed a bit humorous. I was just sure that the lady on the other end would bust out laughing, put me on hold, and tell everyone with in an ear shot that she had a hypochondriac on line 1. Her reaction was quite the opposite, rarely do you get seen same or next day at a military clinic but in this case I was able to be seen the next day!
Once the doctor came in, she asked a bunch of questions and then examined my head. "hhmmmmm Wow, how did you find that? That is a tumor, we need to get a better look at it" of course she went on to explain that there many different types of tumors and some are absolutely NOTHING and others are something! From that point until now has been a complete roller coaster ride! After some frustrating moments with the Military Clinic (frustration and military clinic are often synonymous) I was able to get in for an MRI. Now, I wait!
I am relieved that a small part of this is over...the images are in the hands of the doctor and my hope is that I am one step closer to complete relief! I am thinking, praying and hoping that it is nothing...but I am on edge, not sleeping, preoccupied! I try to keep thinking positive thoughts...but every now and again my mind strays..not in a "poor me" kind of way but more of a simple "what if". I think it's normal, well as normal as a tumor in the head can be! So for now I wait...and pray...and worry..and have faith that everything will be just fine! Everything WILL be just fine! Regardless...
I have a tumor!
On my head (not in my brain)!
I am confident that it is nothing, terrified it's something, and embarrassed to admit I feel like this is all my fault!
Leif and I have wrestled with who to tell, if we should even tell anyone, what to say, how to say it...what will we do if it is...but it isn't...positive thoughts!!! This is just a taste of my internal conversation and sometimes external conversation with Leif. Up until I heard the word "Tumor", we kept everything to ourselves. I was afraid to be a drama queen, a hypochondriac, afraid to make a big deal of nothing, I didn't want to burden anyone or make anyone worry for no reason. I thought I could handle it...I thought WE could handle it but I spend most of my day in the company of a 2 year old who had no idea what's going on in my mind and I don't really get a lot of opportunity to pour my heart out to Leif and I am not sure I would if given the opportunity, as he is in the midst of a rigorous schedule and, again, I hate to burden him. He is the person that I go to for everything but right now is just such a bad time. He really needs to focus on work and I really need to just vent(something I rarely do on my blog)!
After my doctors appointment, the one where she says "It's a tumor and we need to get a better look at it to determine what kind" my phone rang! It was my mom...10 minutes ago I was told I have a tumor in my head and now I am trying to pretend like nothing is up! FAIL!!! I usually tell my mom everything...but I didn't think she could handle this type of worry...I realized very quickly that I couldn't handle it alone! So the journey to the words TUMOR are summed up below.
For the past 4 months I have had a constant headache. Some days are better than others but regardless of the intensity, the headache is always there. While laying in bed on Christmas Eve I randomly ran my fingers through my hair and noticed something odd. There was a very definitive lump on the top of my head. I woke my husband and had him feel for it, he looks at me and says "what is that?" GREAT question...WHAT is that???
I'll be very honest...I was worried but I put it off...in my mind I was half nervous and half sure that it would go away. I avoided the doctor because I don't want to be THAT patient. You know the one who has a slight cough and all of the sudden they are dying of something. Aside from the headaches I feel fine and I am sure that the headaches are just related to all of the changes we have been going through and the lump is probably a swollen lymph node which is my body's way of telling me that I am about to get a cold or something. Diagnosis complete.
Unfortunately I was living in a dream world. The lump never went away and neither did the headaches. I guess I have put it off long enough. Part of me felt anxious about making the appointment and part of me felt really stupid. Anxious because I felt like "IF" it is serious I am just about to open a whole can of worms, not just for myself but for my family as well. Stupid because the thought of saying "Hi I need to see a doctor because I have a lump on my head" just seemed a bit humorous. I was just sure that the lady on the other end would bust out laughing, put me on hold, and tell everyone with in an ear shot that she had a hypochondriac on line 1. Her reaction was quite the opposite, rarely do you get seen same or next day at a military clinic but in this case I was able to be seen the next day!
Once the doctor came in, she asked a bunch of questions and then examined my head. "hhmmmmm Wow, how did you find that? That is a tumor, we need to get a better look at it" of course she went on to explain that there many different types of tumors and some are absolutely NOTHING and others are something! From that point until now has been a complete roller coaster ride! After some frustrating moments with the Military Clinic (frustration and military clinic are often synonymous) I was able to get in for an MRI. Now, I wait!
I am relieved that a small part of this is over...the images are in the hands of the doctor and my hope is that I am one step closer to complete relief! I am thinking, praying and hoping that it is nothing...but I am on edge, not sleeping, preoccupied! I try to keep thinking positive thoughts...but every now and again my mind strays..not in a "poor me" kind of way but more of a simple "what if". I think it's normal, well as normal as a tumor in the head can be! So for now I wait...and pray...and worry..and have faith that everything will be just fine! Everything WILL be just fine! Regardless...
Friday, January 6, 2012
Another first...
The video above is an example of just one of the great moments of being a mom! Although I am not a fan of cold weather and the Northern "hospitality" (or lack thereof)...I must say that the experiences Aiden will encounter will be worth our 6 month stay here in frigid RI. So although I miss Charleston, I am thankful for this chilly night and for the fun of taking my little man ice skating!
For my own documentation here is how the night went down...
Aiden saw the rink and said "what's that?"
I said "It's an ice skating rink"
Aiden: "I want to go dere (there)"
Me: "OK but if we go over there you have to put on ice skates"
Aiden: "OK"
We paid for just Mommy and Aiden to skate...but the nice man at the skate rental INSISTED that Daddy skate for FREE!!! Guess you have to chance breaking your ankle and getting rolled back a class Daddy (that is Navy talk for those of you confused)
We were all laced up and we hit the ice...Aiden LOVED it...in the video you can see him let go of me and try to go on his own...after a few minutes they cleared the rink for the big truck to come on and smooth out the ice...and that was the end of Aiden's desire to skate! His new desire? Finding that ice truck after it left the rink!!! OH to be 2 again!!! We never found that sneaky little truck and for the next 20 minutes we carried Aiden around the rink!
Tonight, I am grateful for this first in his life...my little boy has adapted to each and every change and new experience I have thrown at him...I KNOW that I am so blessed...he is my world and tonight my world was amazed by a pair of ice skates and an ice rink smoothing truck ( I am sure there is a more technical name for it) and I was amazed by the youthful innocence and pure excitement radiated from my 2 year old!
PS.. sorry for the blurry video...Hubby was skating backwards and trying to video, therefore he neglected to focus! ( I think he should stick to Nuclear Engineering)
For my own documentation here is how the night went down...
Aiden saw the rink and said "what's that?"
I said "It's an ice skating rink"
Aiden: "I want to go dere (there)"
Me: "OK but if we go over there you have to put on ice skates"
Aiden: "OK"
We paid for just Mommy and Aiden to skate...but the nice man at the skate rental INSISTED that Daddy skate for FREE!!! Guess you have to chance breaking your ankle and getting rolled back a class Daddy (that is Navy talk for those of you confused)
We were all laced up and we hit the ice...Aiden LOVED it...in the video you can see him let go of me and try to go on his own...after a few minutes they cleared the rink for the big truck to come on and smooth out the ice...and that was the end of Aiden's desire to skate! His new desire? Finding that ice truck after it left the rink!!! OH to be 2 again!!! We never found that sneaky little truck and for the next 20 minutes we carried Aiden around the rink!
Tonight, I am grateful for this first in his life...my little boy has adapted to each and every change and new experience I have thrown at him...I KNOW that I am so blessed...he is my world and tonight my world was amazed by a pair of ice skates and an ice rink smoothing truck ( I am sure there is a more technical name for it) and I was amazed by the youthful innocence and pure excitement radiated from my 2 year old!
PS.. sorry for the blurry video...Hubby was skating backwards and trying to video, therefore he neglected to focus! ( I think he should stick to Nuclear Engineering)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas!
I have definitely been absent for a while and I have so many things to blog about...sister's baby shower, family photoshoot, Hubby's 30th birthday extravaganza, moving to RI, unpacking in 2 days and getting prepared for Christmas in our new location! But for now, I just want to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas!!!
Love,
The Gunderson Family
The Gunderson Family
Monday, November 7, 2011
Passions
For as long as I can remember, I have had a passion for photography! Over the past few years I have wanted to nurture that passion but just never really had the confidence to do it! In an effort to do more for myself I have begun to really give my love for photography more time and attention! Thanks to several of my beautiful (and pregnant) friends I have been experimenting with some maternity photography!
Here is a little peak at a session I did this weekend...having an adorable person to take pictures of made me look like I knew what I was doing!!!
Here is a little peak at a session I did this weekend...having an adorable person to take pictures of made me look like I knew what I was doing!!!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Halloween Happenings...
As usual, we had a fabulous halloween! Each year it seems like we try and rack our brains for some fun and unique costume ideas! This year our biggest obstacle was our little 2 year old who does not like anything on his head (Lord help me as we prepare to spend the entire winter in Rhode Island where hats are a must)...so with that being said, we were on a mission to find a "themed" costume for our little family that didn't require any type of headpiece.
Here is what we came up with....THE KING LIVES!!!
We actually went trick or treating in Solomons Island last weekend and since Aiden was the only one dressed up (Daddy and I didn't suit up), and of course wouldn't wear a wig, we feared he may be mistaken for a wizard (or a dancer but who's counting). My poor husband was never far behind Aiden with his little guitar to make sure that there weren't any cases of "mistaken identity"
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| Notice the guitar to the right... |
On Saturday night we, the adults, rounded up a group and relived our youth by dressing up in costumes and pretending we were young and eager enough to close down the bars! Here is our group...
Aiden loved seeing us all dressed up and kept saying "I wanna go, I wanna go"...this is his "PLEEEEAAAASE Mommy can I go" face...
We ended up going to the National Harbor here in the MD/DC area...There was a best part and a worst part of the night...the best part...
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| Elvis riding the bull... |
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| The boys having fun... |
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| The Gals being Sassy.. |
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| Winning $100 in a costume contest! |
The worst part of the night...well maybe it wasn't the worst part but it was definitely interesting...I was the designated driver which meant I had the pleasure of driving home 6 drunk people. I thought a 2 year old's melt down was a test to my patience HA...I will take a melt down anyday! Six adults slurring their words, barking directions, being obnoxious, and creating enough distractions to make us look suspicious to any cop with in a 5 mile radius surely tested my pleasing personality! With that being said...having a designated driver is more important than my fragile nerves...I wanted to be sure that I made it home safely to my baby boy and I felt great the next day!!!
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| What a sophisticated bunch! |
For Halloween, we went back and forth on what we wanted to do! Being that my husband is severely addicted to football and the San Diego Chargers (who played on Halloween), we were held hostage to a 10 mile radius of the nearest TV...thank you NFL!!! So, we decided to trick or treat in my hubby's old neighborhood! Aiden loved it...after every house he would say "I wanna go to the next one"
Everyone kept saying that Aiden had the best costume out of the group...although I thought the hubby and I made for an attractive couple of Elvi'...I would have to agree...he was "THE KING"
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